My Dad

My dad is the only parent I have left and his health is dwindling away, he is 77 and is on dialysis and has had a triple by pass with a valve replacement, stints, has high bp, and was a diabetic for years. He just had cataract surgery last week, is very independent and still lives on his own. Then the appointment on the 21st was a big game changer, diagnosis CANCER. this rocked our world. they are not sure where the cancer originated yet, more tests to come but they're thinking it could be lung or liver related. He asked his cardiologist if the knot on his neck looked like it needed to be checked, yes I know the man is a heart doctor, and this was over a year ago when the knot was small and the cardiologist told him no, it was nothing to worry about. So now here we are. Could you find it in your hearts, I don't cared what deity you pray to or if you just send healing and love to him, please say a pray, send energy, light a candle but please ask for healing for him. this all I can bring myself to write at this moment besides thank you in advance.

I just don't know.......

Sometimes I feel like I am trapped. I just don't know what to do about it. My health is not the best and I feel I have let my husband down at times because I am not able to get out and work like I have all my life, sometimes I just don't know how we are going to make it to the next payday. I have been denied disability even though my doctor has disabled me, the reason you ask, well is because I wasn't disabled before 2009. I have worked all my life, sometimes 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet for my family. I was a single mom for several years, I have never until now had to depend on anyone else to support me and I just don't know how I feel about it, grateful yes, but also worthless and a burden at times. It amazes me that people who are not a citizen or have alcohol or drug addiction or get this, I know someone who actually went in to MHMR and told them they chased cars and barked at them, got disability, HE LIED. I was told by 3, yes 3 lawyers and someone who works for Social Security to sell everything, divorce my husband and I might qualify for SSI...hmmmm, isn't that FRAUD?? I am not wanting a hand out, I am just wanting what I have paid in to Social Security for 43 years but it's not going to happen. I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, just doing a little venting. I have to go, I have got to pay what bills I can out of this paycheck and try to figure out how I am going to pay the rest...ttyl.

Juat a lazy day at home

Today was just a lazy day for me, it would have been a bit more productive if I hadn't tripped over Max and fell, man oh man I am sore.Let me tell you a bit about Max, he's a Great Pyrenees and Lab mix 4 month old puppy who is as big as an ox, lol. Let me tell you, when he stops in front of you you come to a stop too, but I didn't stop, I kept going, over and down. I am dreading tomorrow, I know I will really be hurting.    
I'm not going to keep boring you with this, I will ttyl......

Just breathe

To feel overwhelmed and sometimes alone seems to be a "normal" in our society now days. It is a sad fact that a lot of us feel this way on a daily basis and all the medical field wants to do is medicate. To me this is not necessary in most cases, we just need to learn to BREATHE.

Have you ever had some tell you , it's okay, just breathe through it? I have learned to do this to help lower my blood pressure and heart rate, I just breathe. Yes, I am on meds for these problems but that doesn't mean it works all the time. Just Breathe, it's a calming effect.

Have you ever thought about meditation? Have you ever wondered how they can stay so calm? You clear your mind, let go, and JUST BREATHE. Try it sometime, see if during a time you're stressed, feel an anxiety attack coming on, sit back, deep breaths and breathe, isn't that nice? Make a daily habit of taking a few minutes for your self to do this, breathe and give thanks for life is too short for so much stress and anxiety that society puts on us today. Breathe and enjoy it.

Teach your children to do this and see if it makes a difference in their young lives, children now days are under so much pressure from school and friends and they need to BREATHE as well.

Bills...UGH!!!!!

I have never understood why we should have to pay for natural resources such as the wind and water. wouldn't life be so much easier if these things were free? wouldn't people have better lives if these things were free or at least affordable. There are so many that suffer in this Texas heat during the summers because they cannot afford to run an A/C unit and it's awful to know this could happen to any of us at any given time. I count my blessing and say thank you everyday for what we are blessed with. I may not be blessed with good health but I am blessed beyond measure.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be able to use the money you have to put out on bills, on bills I mean utilities, for the other everyday things that we need in life? Food would be so affordable to us all, no more hunger. People would be able to afford a roof over their heads, so hopefully no more homeless, I have been homeless living in a shed so I know the humiliation these people feel, even though I worked 12-14 hours a day I still was able to afford housing. it breaks my heart to see the many families that go through this everyday. We have so many empty housing complexes on abandoned military bases, why can't these be used to house the homeless and less fortunate? I will tell you why, GREED. Our nation has become a nation of ME<ME<ME. Our government is an uncaring one and the people that run our government are all about ME. If it doesn't affect them then it doesn't pose a problem. SAD..........

I know that once more I have gotten off the subject.....my mind woks that way, sorry. Sometimes I have to remind myself to JUST BREATHE, hence the title of the blog. I guess I have said all I can say on the subject right now so I will ttyl and I hope you have a very blessed and enjoyable day.......

Just another Day.....

Well, I am thankful that I have been given another day to be on this Earth, lol. As I talked about in my last blog I have some health issues and I try not to let them deter me from my everyday life. I am an Avon Representative, the only means of work that I have been able to acquire because of these issues, no one wants to hire someone who is on oxygen full time so this is what I do. My customers are great, some or I should say most of them have become very good friends and I enjoy the time I get to deliver and visit with them.

My hubby, bless his heart works so many long hours in this Texas heat and then drives me around some days to help me deliver on his days off. He may grumble and groan about it but he still does it for me. he has even made deliveries for me and put out books to some of my customers, tell me now, how many of your hubbys would step up to do this? My Mom always called him her big teddy bear, lol, and I guess you could actually say that about him.

My phone started ringing this morning at 8. The first call was from my oldest daughter who lives in Kansas and has 5 kids, 2 of which happen to have special needs, one is slightly autistic and the other has PTSD, she is a child of the heart, her hubbys child from a previous disaster. I am proud of her, being a single mom with 3 of her own she married a military man and stepped up to the plate to raise his children as well, she has even acquired custody of them and they are hers to the fullest extent. sometimes I just don't know how she does it because there are meltdowns in her household sometimes that I would just want to lock myself somewhere it is quiet, lol.

The next call came while I was on the phone with my oldest, it was from my  middle daughter, she lives on Iowa and has 2 kids of her own and one child of the heart whom she has only meet through Skype. This daughter has many health issues,and a learning disability but has put herself through school twice now, once for photography and once for EMT/MA.

Well hubby is waiting on me, he wants to go to the store to get some pet food, if you only knew how  much they eat, but the pets are for another day.....ttyl

New to this

I haven't done many blogs so I am trying to figure it all out. Some people have said just use like I would a diary talking about my every day life. I just don't know if my life is all that interesting now that I am notable to get out in the world like I did a few years ago, but here goes.

I am 51 and a mother of 6, 4 are mine biologically and 2 are children of my heart. I have 10 grandchildren and a wonderful hubby who works very long hours in the heat during the summer and the cold during the winter. I am now disabled because I refused to go to the doctor when I had problems with my asthma because I kept telling myself I would be fine, well that didn't work out for me so now I am on oxygen full time now and I am limited to the time I can spend away from home because my insurance will only cover 4 portable tanks a month and will not help me get a portable concentrator. I am not trying to throw  pity party, far from it, I have worked my entire life, you could call me a Jackie of all trades, lol. I have applied for disability and have been denied, even consulted with 3 attorneys and they all told me, even the person at the Social Security administration said this, divorce my hubby, sell our property, car, and anything else of value and file for welfare based SSI, Supplemental Security Income. Well, that's just committing fraud in my book and that is what I told each one who told me that. Something just isn't right when a person works their entire life and doesn't qualify for what they have paid for.

I have worked many jobs as I stated earlier, I started work at 13 working in a little deli and I was hooked, lol. I loved making that $1.35 and hour. Can you imagine that low of an hourly rate for minimum wage? My favorite of all the jobs I have worked is waitressing. Servers now days still make what I made waiting tables 25 years ago which is about $2.50 an hour unless you're lucky enough to belong to a union, so I understand what it means to get T.I.P.S ( to insure proper service), but some people do not realize just how hard and exhausting this line of work can be. So just remember this, if you have a good server tip them well for most of them are like I was, working to support their families,  tips are what pay the bills, buy the groceries and provide other things needed for their kids.

I know, I know, I seem to be rambling, I do apologize but there is just so much to tell that it's hard for me not to. I am not a highly educated person, I didn't go to college, I did go to a trade school though, Western Trucking and learned to drive and run a trucking business......loved it for a while when I drove locally, was home every night, every weekend with my kids and made excellent money but then came the long haul, hated it with a passion. Never home for more than a day or two after being gone for 6 weeks or longer, the company didn't care that I had kids and had to hire a Nanny to take care of them, I was making nothing to put back for savings for the kids. So guess what I decided to do? I went back to waiting tables, made more money than  long haul and got rid of the Nanny who back then cost me $800 a month board.

So, I guess I will call it quits on this blog, and I hope I haven't bored you to tears, believe me my life has it's moments, wonderful memories and some sad ones as well, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Here are few pictures of my wonderful family.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.